One pierce by the painful thorny ball is all that is necessary to compel one to obsessively avoid the weeds that bear them. Normally the plants are easy to see with all the stickers menacingly hanging or dropped. To steer clear of the patches of these hateful bushes, I aim for the  sandy area that looks clear to me. I casually walk on, enjoying the lovely lake view until I notice one of the dogs limping. I quickly examine her paws and find one of those sharp stickers. I try to carefully remove it but it cuts into my flesh. Dang and ouch! I look at the ground and to my surprise there are tons of the stickers right below the sand, barely covered, even though there are no bushes in sight. I am finally able to maneuver us to a harmless stretch. And I am, of course, struck by the spiritual parallel. How often do I rely upon my own view, assessment, understanding of the many issues I confront daily? How often do I neglect to ask You which is the way I should walk? How often do I appraise the various paths/choices and choose the ones that makes sense to me? TOO OFTEN! And just like the stickers that were not apparent to me, so hidden are the many threats and dangers that I am not capable of discerning on my own.  I desire to truly listen to the guidance You offer. To listen to the Voice behind me that says, “Here is the way. Walk ye in it.” I long to surrender my thoughts to You, to quiet the loudness of my own thinking. I want to walk by faith not by sight! And as is true of every bit of transformation, I can’t do it on my own!! Holy Spirit, please blaze in and have full authority over my walk.

Recently I have become aware of yet another ugly, internal battle. As the chaos and heartbreaks increase, I realize I am having a very challenging time resting in Your Identity as Provider and Rescuer. I have not seen any improvements, in fact things seem to be escalating at an insane pace. Just in the circle of people we know; 3 young men dead, broken marriage, new cancer diagnosis, mental illness, toxic patterns and choices…and I have insidiously slipped into feeling isolated in the sadness. In my head, I know there is Power in Your Name, Comfort in Your Presence, Joy in Your Truths, Strength in Your Arms; I am just finding it so hard to really rest there.

Today, I hurry to the lake early to walk the dogs so the day can be spent with our daughter who just returned home from her mission trip and moves back to school next week. I drive into the parking lot, scanning the area we walk for big loose dogs that might be a problem for our little ones. Clear. Yay. And just as I turn into the parking space, a couple with two large pit bulls emerge and start on the path. Really?! Big and small pains and nuisances seem to be prevalent these days. (No offense whatsoever meant to pit bulls in general!) I pull out and drive around, so frustrated that even the simple act of exercising the dogs comes with obstacles. I drive to the other side of the lake. Apprehensive because I am not familiar with this area and don’t know the possible threats, I grudgingly exit the car. I leash the dogs and cautiously walk over the hill. Before me lies a straight, long path to the lake. The trail is wide, free of rocks where snakes might hide and absent of the sticker weeds that lodge in the dogs’ paws.

And I am convicted. I am resisting and grieving all these foreign and unwanted events that are abounding. And yet in Your Hands, You promise they will be for good,  achieving excellent and trustworthy purposes. Subtly, I have moved into a place that demands understanding and expects that things should slow to a pace that my small mind and heart can keep up with. You patiently continue the slow work in me-to trust You at all times because-You are worthy, You are true, You are powerful, You are God of the Impossible, Your Ways and Thoughts are so much higher than mine, You carry the hurting and exhausted, You establish a wide, stable path for our feet even if we don’t see it at first, You have a perfect plan, You LOVE.

Thank You for Your endless grace that finds me in whatever ditch I have dug for myself or jumped into. Thank You that You will never leave me no matter how often I wander. Thank You for the pit bulls.

I read in Exodus 17- …because of the contention of the children of Israel, and because they tempted the Lord, saying, “Is the Lord among us or not?”. You had brought impossible deliverance in mind blowing ways to them over and over, yet with every new obstacle, they cried out against You. They bitterly complained against the hardships on the path to freedom and abundance, quickly forgetting Your miracles and provisions in the wilderness. Reading the story, I question why they did this and as quickly, I remember my panic and frustration just last night as I had to deal again with extremely draining circumstances. Too often, my attitude reveals contention. Too often, I complain bitterly in my spirit, instead of seeking and expecting Your miracles and deliverance in the wilderness. Sadly, I see that me and the Israelites have way too much in common. I need Your transforming power, Lord, to enable me to rest, delight and depend on You no matter the attacks. I need to trust Your manna for the day; sustenance in the trials; guidance in the desert. Please empower me to be different from my friends, the Israelites. Jesus.

I threw the last load of laundry into the dryer, including finally the piles left by the kids as they rushed off to summer projects several weeks ago!  I was so grateful the mountain of dirty clothes finally completely disappeared. I ran to take the last sip of my coffee and lo and behold…spilled all over my shirt! Seriously?! It seemed like a mean joke. So I ask You about it.

“There will never be a time this side of heaven when you will be completely free of the stain of sin, weakness, temptation–there will always be a new snare, another trick,more deception. But under My watchful Eye with your willing heart, you will continue to experience victory and deliverance. And the day will soon come, upon My return, when there will be no more need for stain remover.”

Amen, Jesus.

Speaking of resistant stains, I confront fear again this morning. I become so afraid of doing or getting it wrong. What is “it”? Oh, just everything. I sense lately, You have been spraying divine stain remover on this area again, inviting me to continue to learn how to truly rest in You. The concept of just resting is absolutely foreign to me. We all have our reasons for being driven to perform, work, excel…and mine are deeply rooted.

Thank You that You do not give up on me in this area no matter how long I am needing for You to work out this stain. Thank You that You promise to complete the work You started! Thank You that I see signs of new life, clean spirit, pure heart as I learn to TRULY trust in Your Goodness and in Your unstoppable, unconditional Love and sincere affection for me.

You offer: NO pressure–just rest, NO need to figure out–just listen, NO need to carry the burdens–just hand them over to You. Freedom, rest, peace–You offer to me. Let me accept, Abba. Let me accept.

My nephew asked if I would mind trying to remove the stain from another one of his favorite T-shirts since I’m usually able to get out set in ones. The next day he asked if it was okay to wear the shirt. “Oh no, honey, it can take me a few weeks to work on a stain”. He was surprised.

It makes me think of how many times I have approached You, wondering why some of the stains on my soul are not yet gone. I have wished for a quick work and found it to be slow and tedious. And thorough. And complete. Even though I would really like all my stains to disappear with one spray, I am learning to trust Your timing.

I woke up with a start to see our bedroom door wide open. The tiny crack we had carefully propped for air flow in the heat, must have failed. We normally keep it closed so our two little dogs can’t go barking through the house if some night creature perks their ears. Closed doors also allow us to hear them scratch if they need to go out, which we learned the hard way on a couple rare occasions; if they are downstairs frantically scratching at the door, we can’t hear and they need to go…so they will. I quickly scan their beds; Hunter remains sleeping, Rosie’s bed is empty. Uh oh! I sit up with a start and see her lying down quietly in front of the open door.

Naturally, it strikes me immediately as a message from You. Through the years as our dogs have gotten to know and love us, they have become fiercely loyal creatures that like to stay close (which makes mopping the floors always interesting!). The wide open door invited her out to mischief but she preferred to stay near us.

“Wide is the path to destruction”, You whisper. “Full of poor and unwise choices and short cuts. But as You get to know and love Me, you will desire to remain close to Me and the wide open gate leading to man’s ways will not draw you because you have sincerely come to prefer Me.”

I love the slow, quiet patience I sense in this. No hurry or pressure to know You in my way, but an authentic, lovely, developing relationship between Master and servant that You have most kindly deemed to become a friendship. Thank You, Jesus.

Years ago You placed in my heart, the desire to know Your Presence at all times; to pray before panicking; to embrace Your thoughts always over my own. It has been an arduous and frustrating journey as the smallness of my ability to do this constantly affronts me. A while ago, I asked You to give me a reminder that would aid me in my earnest longing to “pray without ceasing” because I would be completely aware of You being here. I thought a cute little bracelet or ring that might catch my attention would be perfect.

Yesterday as I drove to my niece’s, so grateful to be able to offer a little help with her overwhelming load, I prayed that You would prevent my shoulder from locking in pain and my back from spasm. I prayed You would give me energy for the task at hand. WHAT?!!! Suddenly it hit me. Since I have been in extreme pain, I have been aware of Your Strength in my weakness. I have called upon You for every task, big and small; lifting my father-in-law’s wheelchair, cleaning the house, walking the dogs…I have been constantly reminded that I truly can do no thing unless ordained and empowered by You!

I think I might prefer the cute little piece of jewelry over pain! =) But I am honestly grateful and humbled that You are giving me the desire of my heart. And truly welcome this surprising answer You are providing.

Rosie, one of our dogs, ruptured a disc a few weeks ago. Painful and limiting, I get a doggy stroller so she can still come on walks. Pushing the stroller with our other pup on leash is clumsy especially with my injured shoulder. I notice looks from other walkers that say “Oh, you are one of THOSE”. Today, it becomes a bit more awkward since my foot has become swollen and red from a bee sting I got yesterday. I don’t feel strong. At all. I turn down a street and a sudden wind comes against us and actually pushes the stroller against me in a lopsided fashion. For a moment I am overwhelmed with negative, frustrated thoughts until I quickly hear Your Voice. “What pushes against you today will actually become a wind that propels you forward in the future. Winds of adversity, when overcome in My Power, become winds of victory in your journey.” Suddenly, I could imagine a sweet breeze pushing me from behind as I humbly asked You to train me in these places and forbid me from turning away in frustration and self pity. It didn’t get easier but it did become meaningful and hopeful.

Thank You for Your Word of Truth and Power that reaches in and grants reinforcement to my weary spirit. Thank You that it is never about how I am feeling but what You are doing.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10  But we have this Treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing Power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Amen!