I love being around the “grandkids” (Sarah and Charlie’s babies). So many things I forget about one and two year olds! I was delightfully reminded of a very simple truth as I sat with Jude. He stumbled onto the drum as we were playing music (him not impressed with my musical aptitude whatsoever!) and hit his knee. He began to cry and before I could even react came towards me holding up his leg. “Oh, you want Nonna to kiss it?” “Yes.” I could hear the “DUH” in my own ears as I realized how I had forgotten about this beautiful part of childhood. I kissed the outstretched limb, wiped his tears and we were immediately back to making joyful, loud music…ok, noise.

I marveled at this. No visible change to the knee, no medical technique made his knee feel better; just absolute confidence that going immediately to the arms of a trusted caregiver would make it all better.

I am relearning this part of childlike faith with You. As I get bruised and hurt by dark events, I am remembering more often to run to You, anticipating Your Kiss to make it all better. You wipe my tears and we are off to make more joy.

Everything feels so hard, defeating and dark. I know everything is an exaggeration but to my feeble mind, heart and body…everything is how it “feels”. It is so challenging to enter the day, let alone with joy. But…There are so many life hinging, necessary, powerful BUTS in the Bible! Buts bring us to Your Truth no matter how things appear to our limited human perspective. So many mighty verses of Truth in Your Word include but. I desire to live and walk in obedience and power to Your Ways. I am gaining deeper insight into the command to fight the good fight. That is definitely how it feels- a fight that is taking every ounce of human determination, commitment and strength. But, the battle is the Lord’s! Why do I forget?! Why do I think You require my help? So, to fight this fight, I need to rest behind You and not give up and not doubt Your Ways and not withdraw from You in confusion and disappointment. But instead, according to Psalm 100:4-5, Enter (come into the secret, sacred place of Your Royal Presence-I am invited and desired!) with thanksgiving (which requires that I have faith in You alone and not define You by the conditions which surround me). Enter with praise (being truly absorbed and focused on You and Your wondrous attributes-kind, loyal, patient, sacrificial, grace-filled, humble, approachable, thunderous, majestic, awesome…and not consumed or distracted by the chaos, confusion and darkness that presses in). Give thanks to You ( sincerely speak words of gratitude for You, Your Truth, Your Covering, Your Power, Your Acceptance, Your Companionship, Your Heart and Eyes of Love, Your outstretched, pierced Hands that offer me refuge in a heavenly embrace. I am invited to stay there. Rest there.). Bless Your Name (to pronounce as holy, to laud, honor, celebrate, acclaim, admire, approve, adore, revere, worship); for You are good, Your steadfast Love endures forever (I can’t ever make it cease towards me!) and Your faithfulness endures to all generations!

Truly, in the Brilliance of Your Presence and Your buts, the oppressive circumstances fade into their proper position behind You.

I am struck by a word in a verse I have previously read numerous times; then.

John 8:31-32 says, Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ” If you abide in My Word, you are My disciples indeed. Then you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall make you free”.

It sounds as though we can believe yet not abide. As You spoke to people who believed You, You gave a sobering condition/warning; IF you abide in My Word–THEN… ONLY as we abide/remain in You, in Your Word (obey, connect, dwell), then and only then shall we receive the privilege of KNOWING the Truth, You! And only in knowing You and abiding in You, shall we be made free. You alone. You as Truth. Not our version of truth; You alone.

Walking through the neighborhood, we came upon a large tree that had been severely pruned. A neighbor popped out and began to blast the pruning…”I can’t believe I have to look at that hatchet job, they obviously did not know what they were doing, look at it, it’s completely chopped…”.  We were a bit taken aback by the intensity of her negative feelings and really hoped the owner was not in earshot. We said our good byes and continued our walk. Later, I pass again by the pruned tree and am actually struck by the beauty. Naked, bare wood with empty, thick branches making an impression against the sky. I wonder why I find it so appealing. It is definitely chopped, not much extending from its sturdy trunk. The small flimsy branches have all been removed and all that remains are a few thick strong branches. I am suddenly filled with hope for what will now grow as a result of this treatment and of course, it hits my heart. The severe pruning has created great promise of what is to come. It did not appear ugly at all to me; instead entirely filled with breathtaking potential. I realized anew how differently we can regard the various stages of our walk with You. We can, like our neighbor, abhor how a thorough pruning can make us look to ourselves or others. Others or ourselves can voice appalled comments to and about the severe treatment. Or we can be filled with awe as we look with Your Vision, filled with the hope only You can give because of the true promise of new and beautiful life to follow the Master Gardener’s touch.

On days like today, when I am dismayed and grieved by my sorrowful state of sinfulness, I find great comfort in reading about Peter. John 13:1-17 tells me about You washing the disciples’ feet. You girded Yourself with a towel, Your Word says, to wipe their smelly, dirty feet. So You brought their filth in close to You; not as I would have done, keeping the towel at a great distance so as not to be so close to the disgusting extremities. And then, even as You are performing this humble service to and for them, Peter tells You, “No way! You shall never wash my feet.” You patiently respond, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” After this great promise from Your  Mouth to his ears, does he rejoice and gladly receive what You offered? NO. “You shall never wash my feet!”. Thank You for providing great hope over and over in Your Word. No matter how dull and repetitive my ignorant responses are to Your amazing Ways, You do not give up. You answered him, “If I do not wash you, you can have no part with Me.” Peter got it! “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” He was all in! Thank You that You let me be all in even when I am so slow to understand!