Recently I have become aware of yet another ugly, internal battle. As the chaos and heartbreaks increase, I realize I am having a very challenging time resting in Your Identity as Provider and Rescuer. I have not seen any improvements, in fact things seem to be escalating at an insane pace. Just in the circle of people we know; 3 young men dead, broken marriage, new cancer diagnosis, mental illness, toxic patterns and choices…and I have insidiously slipped into feeling isolated in the sadness. In my head, I know there is Power in Your Name, Comfort in Your Presence, Joy in Your Truths, Strength in Your Arms; I am just finding it so hard to really rest there.

Today, I hurry to the lake early to walk the dogs so the day can be spent with our daughter who just returned home from her mission trip and moves back to school next week. I drive into the parking lot, scanning the area we walk for big loose dogs that might be a problem for our little ones. Clear. Yay. And just as I turn into the parking space, a couple with two large pit bulls emerge and start on the path. Really?! Big and small pains and nuisances seem to be prevalent these days. (No offense whatsoever meant to pit bulls in general!) I pull out and drive around, so frustrated that even the simple act of exercising the dogs comes with obstacles. I drive to the other side of the lake. Apprehensive because I am not familiar with this area and don’t know the possible threats, I grudgingly exit the car. I leash the dogs and cautiously walk over the hill. Before me lies a straight, long path to the lake. The trail is wide, free of rocks where snakes might hide and absent of the sticker weeds that lodge in the dogs’ paws.

And I am convicted. I am resisting and grieving all these foreign and unwanted events that are abounding. And yet in Your Hands, You promise they will be for good,  achieving excellent and trustworthy purposes. Subtly, I have moved into a place that demands understanding and expects that things should slow to a pace that my small mind and heart can keep up with. You patiently continue the slow work in me-to trust You at all times because-You are worthy, You are true, You are powerful, You are God of the Impossible, Your Ways and Thoughts are so much higher than mine, You carry the hurting and exhausted, You establish a wide, stable path for our feet even if we don’t see it at first, You have a perfect plan, You LOVE.

Thank You for Your endless grace that finds me in whatever ditch I have dug for myself or jumped into. Thank You that You will never leave me no matter how often I wander. Thank You for the pit bulls.