Feeling awkward but willing, I continue to ask for help since I can only use one arm. Rico helps me dress, Sonya helped me prepare my nephew’s room, my doctor has squeezed me into her overscheduled day and my thoughtful parents offer to pick up anything we need when they go to Costco. I request 2 bags of broccoli and green bananas. I struggle with the notion that I should be doing this for them, not them doing this for me. I go to put a few nuts in my yogurt and notice they are almost gone. I buy them at Costco. It seems obvious…call my folks and add to the list. Simple and yet suddenly a battle ensues in my mind. I don’t want to add to what I have already placed on them. I don’t want to overburden them. I don’t want them to have to carry too much. These are my first thoughts. Finally, I think to ask You what is really going on. “You have set yourself up to be rescuer, helper, savior and you are not familiar with allowing others into the vulnerable parts of you that need help”. OMW!!! I have unknowingly moved into a lethal place of setting myself up to be god in people’s lives. You have given me gifts of genuine compassion and help, but I have allowed the enemy to use these good things against me. Just like in the desert when he intensified the attacks against You, he used good things; the Word!! But You knew how to defeat him. I can only experience victory over his tactics behind You! Never, never on my own! I have insidiously slipped into a very dangerous place. I only desire to offer You to others and I became very misguided in how to do this. I neglected to wait to discover the good works You prepared in advance for me to do; instead rushing in with MY good works which are as useful as rags! I repent! Change me, Kind Savior! Please reestablish correct order in my life, heart and spirit.

When this injury first occurred, I desperately cried out thinking I must have really angered You for You to allow this to happen.  In what seemed like crushing hopelessness, erupts new, beautiful, meaningful transformation. I am truly grateful that You love me so much, You will bring to me that which looks like doom but in fact, is a conduit to new and richer life in You.

I am going to go call my parents and ask for nuts 😉