I don’t recall hearing anything more about Simon of Cyrene after he helped carry the cross. Did his encounter with You change him? Or did he only grudgingly lift Your cross, unaware he was stepping into historical, heavenly realms with the King? Did reluctance to carry the cross blind him to the majesty and power of the event? Did he miss the miracle because he ran to escape the bloody, painful cross as soon as it was possible?

And what about me? Do I desperately try to run from the crosses in my life? Does  my reluctance to go to the places You have ordained obscure the ability and privilege to see the Heavenly?

Or do I choose to follow You closely along the bloody, excruciating paths and like Mary, be there to witness Your Resurrection Miracle?

Profound suffering  seems to grant us entry into the Garden of Gethsemane with You. If we miss this privilege, we lose out on a depth and dimension in our intimacy with You that seems possible only in this lonely, intense place. It is on this side of eternity alone that we will hurt and mourn and require Your Comfort to survive and thrive. In heaven, we will be with You in joy only. Tears seem to connect us to the Living Water in a way nothing else does.

I feel like such a hypocrite trying to write a blog; too aware of my rebellious ways, willful disobedience, ugly moods and attitudes.

Again, You remind me by the rainbow in the cloud,

“It is NOT about you, Child! It is about Me! My Grace, My Work, My Restoration, My Power, My Promises, My Spirit. Your darkened heart will ALWAYS need My Touch. Need Me. You alone will never be whole. You and I as one. Available. Necessary. Abundant. Powerful. Life giving. Beautiful. Lean on Me alone. I will finish what I have started. I am your ONLY Hope of deliverance from all the imprisoned places of your heart, mind and spirit. I alone am your Freedom. Rest. Trust. Allow Me. ”  Amen.

As You hold and mold the brokenness and sadness of my heart, may others see Your Compassion, Reliability, Power, Strength, Concern and Love. May it give hope where there is none possible. May it be clear that You are NOT the One who inflicts.  You are the One who rescues. May we not misidentify the enemy.

I had again wearied and despaired. The trials were too many; the attacks too precise. I felt unable to continue the good fight. The emptiness has won, I thought. I am done. And then in the darkness, You magnify Your Truth. You spoke in the middle of the night.

“Daughter, you asked for joy”.  “Yes, Lord, I thought You would give me joy INSTEAD of adversity”.  “No, Child.  IN SPITE of adversity”.

Amen.